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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day to me...I mean us!

  As I told you in my past post, The Lovely Bones, Another Side of Jo, I had a pretty rocky childhood.  My birth mother left my father, sister, brother, and I when I was six. We won't even go into the bad parenting and other events that led up to her abondonment!  I didn't get to know her again until the birth of my second child, when I was twenty-four.  I always worried about how I was going to know how to be a mother when I didn't have that early example.  Let me tell you, it wasn't easy!!!
    Some of the hints and tips I learned along the way from advice, suggesstions, and the very cruel school of hard knocks were these:
*Unconditional love: I never felt it from a mom, and, therefore, wanted it desperately.  It only figured that this was something I should make sure I gave my children.  I love them NO MATTER WHAT.  Yes, Antonio, I still love you although "I can never keep nice things in this house!"
*Security: I probably overdid this for them as we never moved from the house they were born in until my son was able to buy it for himself and his cute little wife.  I worked at the same place throughout their childhood--a church school at which I was a teacher and they were my students (they weren't going to get away from me that easily!!!)  They knew that there was going to be food on the table daily, fresh, clean towels in the linen closet, and a place to lay their heads at night.  It is hard enough worrying about all that as an adult, so children should not have that day-to day worry.
*Consistency:  The Simpson's were off-limits from the time they were small until they were old enough to understand the satire and actually use vulgarities on their own without the threat of pepper on their tongue from me.  That is just an example to say that I set the rules of my house because I was the boss, and my children were not the boss O' me. I think despite their screams of  "Everybody gets to do it," they appreciated the limits and boundaries that were set and this added to their feelings of security and unconditional love, also.
*  Letting them go at the apporpriate time:  This was a toughie, especially because at least two of them lingered at home for awhile.  I was a strict mom.  I took them to church, taught them right from wrong; gauged carefully what they would and would not be exposed to or allowed to do under my roof, etc. 
BUT, when the time came, I had to see if I trusted that I had done all I could and now they have to do it on their own.  Guess what?  They are all successful, good citizens of the United States, and most of all, they give me that unconditional love that I so hungered for throughout my life

5 comments:

  1. That is lovely to hear how you managed to overcome the trials you endured in childhood and become such a loving and caring mother! Congratulations. I LOVE my gift from you the earrings are so unique and I will add the Necklace charm to one of my chains. You sure do lovely work, very creative. Thanks again new friend, oxox, Diane

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  2. Happy Mother's Day!! I love you TOO!

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  3. You truly are an amazing and talented individual and mother! I think your brother didn't overcome some of the issues that he experienced from the abandonment and it makes me sad!! Gosh, I sure love your guts!

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  4. Hope you had a Wonderful Mothers Day! Stop On Over I'm having a Virtual Baby Shower for my daughter, games and prizes, would love to see you there! Hugs, Diane

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  5. Today is The Actual Baby Shower
    come by to Visit the Live Stream link
    it's Simple and can be loads of fun!
    Breezy will be thrilled!
    Now Let's Get This Party Started!
    Hugs, Diane saturdayfinds.blogspot.com

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